Me: mom, dad, this is my girlfriend Eve
Mom: the fuck I thought you had a boyfriend
Dad: the Bible said Adam and Eve, not gay is okay
Me: wait for my surprise
Mom: another one
Dad: what surprise
*a guy walks in*
Me: this is my boyfriend Adam
Me: do you get it, Adam and Eve hahaha, Adam and Eve
Me: but the Bible said
so this is what i ended up with for the “make your audience angry” assignment
i dont know about ya’ll but that phrase pisses me right the hell off
Side tip: if anyone ever grabs your hair like the above, clamp one hand HARD down on your scalp where the hair is coming out (think of how you try to immobilize your hair when brushing tangles out so it doesn’t hurt as bad, only do so at the scalp and not further down the hair). Then use your other hand to start hitting the other person (go for the face!) and blocking any blows they may try to make with their free hand. You can also step into them (which removes the tension on your hair) and start throwing your knees into their groin, stomach, kick the side of their knee, etc.
The reason hair-pulling works is A) it HURTS and B) it’s an effective handle, especially because your instinct is going to be to pull away. But reduce the pain and the tension on the hair and you have more room to work with until the other person lets go, at which point you can run like hell or otherwise defend yourself as needed.
no cough syrup
you are not ‘grape flavoured’
have you ever tasted a grape
you taste like death and the tears of small children
not fucking grape
wow what a surprise another cis-gendered white upper-middle class american male telling someone what they can and cannot identify as. why don’t you go fuck yourself
He’s back! Welcome back, calming cat. You are always welcome here.
Everyone should know of calming cat.
this is the thing that you have to tag because you’ll have to wait 8264589672 years to find it again